he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
