White coat. Heels.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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