I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
