apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
