at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
