Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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