Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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