Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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