I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
