My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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