I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
