Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drake has all the answers
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
