If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
