I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My penis needs a shock collar
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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