So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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