I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
