life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
