he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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