I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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