i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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