I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
