some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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