Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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