At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
