just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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