Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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