goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
