Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
