I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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