its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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