if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
