So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
