Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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