I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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