make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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