If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
