True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dear god my vagina.
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