If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
