Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
