why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
