So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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