The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
