Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Buhtt sex?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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