i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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