just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
