I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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