My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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