i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
