The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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