It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
