I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
